How To Get Your Cat To Stop Liking You So Much
I know what you’re all thinking. I can feel you judging me, even as I sit here typing this.
“Why,” you ask, “would I want my cat to like me less? She barely likes me as it is.”
If you’re in that camp, feel free to migrate on over to the next post in this series: How To Get Your Cat To Like You More.
Not sure where you stand with kitty? Well, if your cat liked you a little too much, you’d definitely know it. You’d feel it. You’d be feeling it right now. That warm little fur ball, permanently glued to your lap (or your shoulder, or your face, or your shins as you’re trying to walk across a room).
Such a thing exists, people. Cats who like you too much. Ok, misleading language—cats who need you too much. They’re called needy cats, and they can be a problem.
Signs you have a needy cat
Verily, there are few things in this life sweeter than the affections of a doting cat. But when you find yourself more often annoyed than enraptured, you could have a needy cat on your hands. Here are a few telltale signs:
- Kitty follows you everywhere. You have to be careful about making sharp turns because you might accidentally kick her in the face.
- Kitty positions herself directly on top of, or in front of, whatever you happen to be using.
- Kitty stares at you constantly. Usually from close proximity; sometimes from dark corners.
- Kitty refuses to be left alone—attempting to spend a few solitary minutes in the bathroom leads to yowling and scratching at the door.
- Kitty seizes any opportunity to rub against you or cling to your body.
- Kitty may not eat unless you’re home.
This is not to be confused, however, with—
Sita, our resident DAK (demanding-ass kitty)
Signs you have a demanding cat
- Kitty yells at you when it’s lunch time.
- Kitty yells at you when it’s dinner time.
- Kitty yells at you to wake up in the morning.
- Kitty meows incessantly until you pick her up.
- For the most part, kitty is independent… until she needs something.
- Kitty will climb right into your lap without being invited.
What’s the difference?
Big difference. A needy cat is usually suffering from a lack of self-confidence, while a demanding cat has too much of it. A needy cat’s behavior is generally a sign of underlying emotional trauma, while a demanding cat has effectively manipulated you into being her b$%#. Ehem.. I mean being at her beck and call.
This stops now!!!
How do you fix needy or demanding behavior? Since these two issues stem from completely different sources, we’ll tackle them one at a time. (The issues, not your cats. Don’t tackle your cats.)
A couple notes:
- If the behavior developed out of the blue, there’s a chance it’s a medical issue. Much like kids, cats can become whiny and dependent when they’re feeling sick, so a trip to the vet is in order to rule out any major health concerns.
- If kitty was recently adopted into the home, it’s normal for her to display either extremely skittish or extremely clingy behavior at first, while she settles in. Shelter cats aren’t used to having loving, stable homes and will need time to regain their confidence. Give her some time.
- Cats who were separated from their mothers too early (any time before 2 months is generally too early) will usually have attachment issues. It’s entirely possible that she’s imprinted on you as her true “mother.”
- If you’re fairly confident the behavior isn’t medical and wasn’t brought on by emotional trauma, your cat could very well be bored. If she’s your only cat, I highly recommend adopting a companion for her (while making sure to introduce them properly).
Nipping it in the bud
As much as we’d like to reassure our nervous cats, too much reassurance can be a bad thing. We’d only be reinforcing her dependent behavior, so much so that it could become her new “normal.” Reinforce the behavior you want, and (gently) ignore the rest.
When she starts to rub against you excessively or positions herself on your laptop, gently pick her up and move her away. Repeat this as many times as necessary. When she stays away for more than a few moments (or walks away!), reward her. Clicker training is useful in this situation, since it delivers instant positive reinforcement without you having to go diving for the treat bag.
By the way, keeping up this regimen will get old, really, really fast, but stay firm—and never angry or aggressive. Repetition and consistency is your friend. Remember, she’s suffering a crisis of instability and insecurity—conditioning her out of that state should be subsequently calm, steadfast, and consistent.
In the meantime, it’s incredibly important to ensure her surroundings are enriching and comfortable, with plenty of toys, beds, and vertical space.
Dealing with a demanding cat is more straightforward and less delicate, and requires less action on your part. Pretty much zero action, in fact. The principles are exactly the same: Reinforce the behavior your want, and ignore the rest.
Kitty yowls at you for attention? Ignore her completely. Don’t even look at the little gremlin. Don’t shout, either—that still constitutes attention and she’ll take what she can get. When she climbs into your lap demanding kitty cuddles, calmly move her away from you and continue to ignore her.
If this all sounds like a whole lot of unnecessary cold-shouldering, don’t worry—you should also be rewarding the behavior you want. Whenever she’s calm, quiet, and not in your face, give her snugs. Pet her and coo in that voice you reserve for talking to your fur children. If she jumps up and starts yowling again, immediately revert to full affection lockdown.
What do you mean, “Move, you have bills to pay..?”
With time (and consistency!), you’ll see her progress from demanding (MREOAWW), to demanding and frustrated (..MREAAAAWW!!), to tentatively demanding (MR..MREAW..?), to normal, non-annoying kitty (mreow).
Cats quickly learn what works and what doesn’t, so in this way they’re quite easy to “train.”
The Diagnosis
Now that you know how to keep kitty’s behavior in check, let’s get at the root of the issue. A cat who clings to your side for dear life, constantly requiring comfort and reassurance, is definitely feeling insecure.
Think back to when the behavior started. Did something happen? The departure of a loved one? Was she, or someone else in the family, recently adopted in? If there’s been a new family member, have they been properly introduced? Have you thrown out a piece of furniture that she loved, or conversely, added one with a heavy, foreign smell? Depending on your cat’s personality and what constitutes a “major” change in her life, something must have triggered this new feeling of insecurity.
Understanding kitty’s sudden existential crisis can help you tailor your response accordingly, whether it means building up her confidence or just giving her a little extra time.
Looking to go even more XTREME? Try my final post in this series, How To Get Your Cat To Stop Liking You Entirely. (Which is really just a how-to in reverse, and should be ignored completely by everyone.)
Also, ensure you’re doing all you can to help your cats coexist peacefully with each other.
Go further down the rabbit hole and solve one of life’s big mysteries: Why do cats love boxes?
Have a needy kitty? What are your tips for dealing?
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Hello, ive been reading so many articles and studies, and i found myself in your blog which honestly gave me more information than everything combined. My cat is recently adopted, he is a 3 year old Tuxedo. At the shelter we were informed that he doesnt like other cats however loves humans. So far, he has been needy and demanding at the same time. He meows for food (to the point where i have to give him several tiny portions throughout the day so he wont scream at me) and attention. Ive tried to ignore his demands for attention, but the last time i did, he jumped right into my face in an attack form, i really dont know how what to do anymore. I play with him everyday at least 15min, he used to love playing around with a fishing rod as well as the laser, but now all of a sudden he is sacred of them, if i try to play with those toys he runs under the bed. Any advices?
My 16-year-old gir has become incredibly clingy and needy – I call her my Velcro cat now. It began a year ago during the pandemic when I was always home, but got much worse after our other cat, the alpha cat, crossed the Rainbow Bridge six months ago.
I used to think she’d be better off without the alpha as he used to chase and attack her all the time, but of course she is now lost and her world is turned upside-down.
She started crying and meowing whenever she was not sitting with me and touching me. If I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner, she will last a while on her own and then come in and meow demandingly, shaking her back leg, and will only settle down when picked up. We have clearly each trained each other to do this LOL
It had gotten a bit better and she would go sleep in a bed in the other room for a few hours a day, but when she moved to her next cozy spot after a few months she was right back at my side. I’m having a hard time coping with the constant complaints and demands.
She had been overweight for a few years and started to lose weight quickly after the alpha passed even though she was eating a lot. The vet said she was on the edge of being hyperthyroid and now I give her medication; blood tests show she is fine and she’s stopped losing weight. I also use a Feliway diffuser since we moved to this house four years ago and they both freaked out, but things had gotten calmer until the alpha passed. Any thoughts on how to help her (and me)?
Jesus Christ, my cat is extremely needy. She’s always following me at the house. When I shower she starts crying outside the door until I open the door…When I need to work on my computer she starts moaning (this goes to the entire day) that’s quite annoying.
When I read/see that cats are independent and a aloof creatures I just laugh. I never seen such clingy creature in my entire life.
I have a needy beyond needy 6 year old. I’ve tried it all with her. Its gotten worst with her. She’s a street cat that I took in, she was going on 2 years old when I got her spayed. At first you think its cute, but after awhile its straight up annoying. She screams(I failed kitty lingo, 4 years straight), chases after me and if I close the door to a room, she’ll slam her body up against(she’s 6lbs!) like a rottweiler until the door opens. I don’t know anything about her history, but if I surrender her to my local shelter, they’ll put her down. Everybody thinks she’s the cutest because she a low rider, but she’s like athletes foot…after awhile very irritating!. And she screams at the bathroom door, constantly has to touch me, etc. The other day I sat on her head because she darts up under me. I’ve tried all of your tips, they don’t work with Ms. Winterbottom. As of right now, she refuses to eat because demands something else, so she’s protesting. Cat food is expensive and she has a stock pile to eat. Right now its seeing who can give in, right now I’m winning.
*most annoying trait (not sure how that translated to weird word salad in the comment, which I could edit comments)
My ‘Beep’ has always been needy. She eventually stops if you ignore her long enough, but even after some 11 years, it can get annoying at times. Per this article, I don’t count it as a recent change, she always has been this way. I believe it is largely due to having literally rescued her off the street on a rainy day when she was a little too young to be weened. (I have no idea what happened to her Mom.) As a result I have been her Mom ever-since, and is the reason for her name. For several years, she didn’t even meow, but rather ‘beeped’ as a very small kitten would do, as if she never learned to meow properly. At Age 11+, she is still Very clingy, and insists on being on a lap, or if I fall asleep watching TV or reading a book, seems most content perching herself on my side. I had hoped to find some advice on getting her to be a little less vocal and follow me around a little less. I think sometimes it just comes down to a spray bottle to let her know enough is enough.
I hate to say, probably the most annoyint ghting is her constant chatter. I don’t mind the loving so much as she pretty much beeps or meows constantly whenever I am home, like she is trying to tell me a story. Sometimes I talk back to her, other times I don’t, but if you were to make a tape-recording in my house, you would mostly hear her. Almost like her purr-reflex got turned into vocalization. Again, if it gets overboard, I just send a quick squirt from a regular-water squirt bottle (which after a few years I learned to keep in each room of the house.) This may sound cruel, but sometimes you really need to make her go away so you can have a business phone conversation or get something done. She is well cared for and has never wanted for anything. (Although she did protest a bit more when she got put on a diet as she was getting a bit porky much like me :P)
Never been a huge cat fan as I’m allergic, but everyone I’ve loved from day 1, my parents, my wife, kids, etc, all love cats so its a reality for me. I can tell you with certainty that there are actually 3 types of cats. 1) Farel cats 2) Cats that were kittens adopted by adults and 3) Cats that were kittens when adopted by a family with toddlers. #2 would be most cats. But #3 cats are interesting because they grow up in an environment where they tolerate ANYTHING… its bizarre that we have 2 and the kids push them around in baby strollers and toy shopping cards while yelling and screaming. They constantly pick them up and bump their heads on the doorframes… the cats just don’t care… they could run and hide, but they don’t. They almost seem to like it. It is really bizarre the differences you can see in cats on the environment in which they are raised.
cats are generally weird but fun animals. They have behaviors and habits that might seem weird for some people but are actually adorable, especially if you know the reasons behind them. In essence, cats may be eccentric animals, but they sure know how to melt your heart!
About a year ago l adopted an abandon cat. She has, since moving in to my 1 cat family remained spoiled, demanding & glued to me. She & my older cat get along. They play, groom & sleep together some times. Diva, will lay on me for 23:45 a day, spending the rest of the day eating. I’ve never had a dependent cat. She drives me nuts! Whay do l do!
Lol😂😂 irony as I was reading this out loud my cat who I think is needy and demanding, was looking right at me and was next to me😂
We have a 15 year old “pain in the neck” male neutured cat – that will not stop demanding food (which he then doesn’t want)- he constantly annoys my wife – by sitting staring at her … I don’t believe that there is nothing medically wrong with him – although 3 different vets tell us that he is fit and healthy – he lets himself out of the cat flap sometimes – other times he sits there and bangs it with his paws until let out
Is there such a disease as “FELINE DEMENTIA” ?
Our cat is suffering from it.
Cats can actually become senile as they age. This article has some helpful information: https://www.thehappycatsite.com/cat-dementia-senile-cat/
Be patient with him! Just as we’d want to be treated with respect and care as we age and lose our “edge,” our furry family members are at their most vulnerable in their twilight years, and rely on us for constancy and patience.
Hi, thank you for being so vigilant on this site! (As you can tell by the time of my post, I have just recently been woken up quite forcefully by my furry daughter Andromeda! Is it normal for a cat to rub her nose raw (red and bleeding) (I have a vet appt set up, just asking for some for warning) after loosing her human papa of 12 years? My life partner recently passed away and my apartment was full of his stuff and I have been a wreck; she has been witness to this. She is beyond clingy. I can’t sleep, read, leave, do anything without her on me. When she was born I would spend A LOT of time cuddling her on my chest(from before her eyes were open) and now that’s obviously her favourite place to be but she’s massive! She has always been my “side kick” but now it’s on overdrive! Do you have any advice?
I used rescue remedy to stop her rubbing her nose, so that’s not a problem anymore, I’m pretty sure it was psychological, however I’m second guessing myself. She’s also chewing on her one paw, it’s now bald at the tip. Also, how do you break the habit of waking us up in the middle of the night?
Hi Harmony, I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. Your cat sounds like she’s going through some pretty heavy grieving–obsessive grooming and clinginess are classic signs of stress/coping.
Try to keep her daily routine as normal and consistent as possible. Feed, water and play with her on time, as usual–cats need this sense of calm consistency to help them overcome a change as drastic as losing a family member. Try to even avoid shifting around furniture, as this can further exacerbate the sense of her world being upended. She’s also likely sensing and responding to your (very understandable) emotional state, and her clinginess is her way of trying to offer support, while also desperately seeking affirmation from you that things will be alright. Take the time you need to grieve, and allow her the same patience and time as well.
Along with trying to keep her routine consistent (and maybe throwing in an extra play/cuddle session if you’re up for it), it’s the best thing you can do for her! I wish you all the best.
My cat is insanely clingy. He was repeatedly attached by cats he used to live in peace with & he was injured. It’s incredible progress that he is getting onto the sofa (the other bully cats were removed) but it also means i can’t get away from him at all. It’s like he needs ME to breathe & it sucks! He salivates while purring & tamping his chin on me like a wet gross sponge , covering my body in his slime stink. He pushes his fangs into my knees & shoulder after pretty much mounting me. He climbs my face while im sleeping & lays across my throat and steps on it. If i disturb or reposition him or me every so slightly he has to crawl all over me and chin me; a ten minute process. He’s got a clean bill of health, has had a couple teeth extracted from a dental visit about 4 years ago. A former roommate fed him rubber squinkie toys & threw him into a wrought iron chair; his head rang on it & the drooling behavior began right after those 2 things 2 years back. The final straw was losing his liglife long partner sister very unexpectedly. That was 2 years ago we lost her & he is only just starting to come back. He is 12. I retrained him to groom himself somewhat by putting coconut oil in his legs. I have a spray bath that he will always groom after being spayed with, so that’s really the only opportunity I get to unglue him from me. I’ve never heard of any other instance where a cat is bathing their human obsessively. Before his attacks and injuries he was clingy & would need to be picked up and held while i walked like a baby & he played fetch very aggressively, always bringing the ball back to the target area. He needed a lot of attention then. He’s always been extremely intelligent & athletic & loving before this trauma. Now h doesn’t play with anything or DO anything other than sleep and glom on me & eat & go to the bathroom. I know he’s probably brain damaged and traumatized. I raised all my cats from kittens & if he ever ended up in foster care hed be a nightmare to understand or find someone to love him. So, im mostly sharing his story in case anyone finds themselves dealing with anything similar. Sure, he’s damaged, but he’s still in there & needs to be loved. He just doesn’t feel safe anymore unless he’s with me. I even have to force him to eat his food because he strangely pops beard and curls into a ball or runs away fearfully several times through each meal. And we have always fed our cats separately & only at meal times; no grazing. I’m wondering if some warm purring stuffed animal device might soothe him & hope i can find such a thing. He has gotten WORLDS better since removing my other 2 kitty children, but it was a month alone with him before there were any signs of improvement. He’s a very special case and a very special cat. We spent thousands at the vet and the vet didn’t have any helpful suggestion whatever. I had to figure this out on my own. He jumps on the sofa and uses the litter box every time & sleeps so soundly he has puppy dreams where he’s running and chewing.
Hi Mindy, I really commend you for taking such extra special care of your cat. It sounds absolutely monstrous what he’s been through–I can’t imagine why a human being would purposefully hurt an innocent animal. I hope your former roommate faced severe repercussions for what (s)he did. It may very well be that after such trauma, you do have a special needs kitty on your hands. Has your vet mentioned anything about his psychological/mental state? Other than the extra clinginess/drooling, if he’s eating, using the litter box normally and sleeping soundly, it sounds like you’re taking great care of him. Keep it up.
Hey! Love your blog so much! So… I have a few questions that I hope you can help me with! We recently adopted a kitty, the shelter said he’s 3 months old but the vet went for 2. It’s the first time we have a kitty home and it has been a confusing and loud week. Tito meows so much, lately it has been a consistent, kind of annoyed or urgent kind of meowing and in the last two days he starts meowing like that, we show him his food plate and he eats and the cycle repeats in 20 minutes. He’s quiet only when he’s on top of any of us, we’ve tried playing with him to tire him up but the meowing keeps on, not to mention that he doesn’t seem to care too much about his toys. It’s weird and confusing how he just looks up at us and meows insistently, or yells at the stove when we’re cooking or go to the bathroom. Also, when he’s done eating, he comes up to any of us, meows and stands in between our legs until picked up or jumps up straight into the couch (curiously, his paws are always cold). When we sleep, we’ve tried setting him in his cage, but he won’t take it and meow nonstop, so he sleeps in bed with us and stays quiet all night. We’ve tried wrapping him in a blanket and he doesn’t like it, we showed him a cardboard box and he doesn’t like it either, the warm bottle for kitties to sleep comfy? Don’t like it at all. Are we doing something wrong? How long do kitties take to settle down?
Hi Andrea! Adopting a new kitten can be tricky, especially at first. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was separated from a littermate that he was bonded to. For this reason, I always recommend adopting kittens in pairs if you don’t already have cats. You’d be surprised how much easier it is to care for two kittens vs 1! It’s also much easier to introduce kittens than to introduce adult cats, so it’s best to build your family as early in their life stages as possible.
Your kitten is exhibiting very typical insecure behavior. Try not to reinforce any unwanted behavior with attention, but shower him with affection when he’s being calm and quiet. See: https://www.petcha.com/how-to-deal-with-needy-kitten-behavior/
And be patient with him! Kittens can take weeks (depending on their individual temperaments) to adapt to being in a brand new environment and mellow out. My first kitten upended my life completely for what felt like an eternity (in reality it was only a month or two). I promise he’ll settle down with just a little time, patience, and an enriching environment! It’ll be completely worth it in the end.
My Roxxi lost her human to cancer a year and a half ago. When I went back to school last September she became very needy. She will usually meow these loud and sad meows while trying to look behind all the doors. Then I yell at her to stop and she runs up and hops in my lap.
She will do this all the time, many times a day. I am convinced that she is still mourning her lost human.
Any further advice for a kitty in mourning?
I’m so sorry for your kitty’s loss. :/
Firstly, be patient with her! Cats are creatures of habit, and maintaning a comfortable routine for her is key. Try (if you can) to make her days as predictable as possible, at least until she feels more stable. Avoid going on long vacations or staying out too late past the time you normally come home. If you normally play with her or cuddle with her at a certain time each day, make a point to do it consistently.
That said, do your best to enhance her daily routine with fun/engaging distractions, like bringing out new toys, adding a new piece of climbing furniture, or creating more welcoming kitty hideouts around the house. Something as simple as a cat hammock on a window or a plush bed with a view can do worlds to cheer up your cat and keep her mind occupied on simple, happy things.
With cats going through loss, it’s important that your own demeanor is as patient, constant, and calm as possible. With a bit of time and devotion, you should see her perk up soon. I hope she feels better!
Thank you!
I will try to do these things as best I can. 🙂
thanks so much for your suggestions, ive been thinking about a younger home for him. it surely will break his heart, mine too.
I’m so sorry. :/ It’s never easy to make choices like this, but if you’re selective and careful about rehoming him, I promise you’ll both be much happier in the long run. Don’t lose hope and don’t feel guilty–you’re doing what’s best.
thanks, I try to play with him but sometimes when I stop he attacks my legs. it is very cold out and he is an inside cat. he runs around and plays with his toys but most of the time his attention is on me. he follows me everywhere. i cannot handle this, i walk around with a spray bottle hoping he’ll not attack. i thought about another cat but i’m 80 and don’t think i want to take the chance of having it not work out. just am in a quandry.
Hm… that’s certainly a tough pickle. It really does sound like he’s hankering for a high-energy playmate. I think you’re absolutely right to keep him indoors–he’ll live longer and healthier this way. The key is to make his home environment as enriching as it would be if he were outdoors. That means plenty of hideaways, vertical space, toys, etc. Try getting him a puzzle feeder (I’ve linked a few I like on this site, you can use the search bar to find them) and automated toys. Hide treats around the house for him to “hunt.” Invest in a towering jungle gym (if you can swing it). If all this sounds like a bit much, it may be wise to rehome him to a family who can adopt another companion for him.
If you’re interested in “cat personalities,” try to make sure your next cat is a “beta” or “gamma.” Take a read here: http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/cat-types
Best of luck. I really hope it works out!
my cat is 2 and all the time ive had him, he has bitten me in the leg a lot. he needs a lot of attention, too much.
Hi Marilyn, I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through! It sounds like your cat has a lot of pent-up energy. Make sure he gets a lot of interactive playtime with you. If you don’t already have one, get yourself a wand “fishing” toy, and play with him for at least 10 minutes every day, making sure he’s running and you’re getting his heart rate up. If he attacks your legs, redirect his attention away with the toy. Does he have an enriching, interactive environment at home? Lots of climbing trees and vertical territory? Cover those bases, ensure you’re giving him plenty of physical playtime, and you should see his behavior improve.
Also, bear in mind that at age 2, cats are typically at their most active/playful. Many cats benefit from having a cat friend, if you think you’re mentally/financially equipped to take on another cat. When properly introduced (slowly and gradually), cats make excellent lifelong companions and playmates for each other, taking much of burden (and physical ambushes) off of you.
thanks, I try to play with him but sometimes when I stop he attacks my legs. it is very cold out and he is an inside cat. he runs around and plays with his toys but most of the time his attention is on me. he follows me everywhere. i cannot handle this, i walk around with a spray bottle hoping he’ll not attack. i thought about another cat but i’m 80 and don’t think i want to take the chance of having it not work out. just am in a quandry.
my cat does all this, except he attacks my legs and bites. i cannot put up with this much longer, am afraid to walk past him. am thinking of returning him, but i love him, HELP!!!
Me and my husband recently got a kitten. She is about 4 months. We got her fro a shelter where she was with her sister. I am working in an office and have home based business. So when I am working with a client at home she would climb on me, on my table or on a cliet and try to interact with us.She is not that clingy but she follow us everywhere in the house. Even she is sleeping.. and one of us leaves the room she gets up and start followig. She love to be pet or get picked up unless she is in playful mood, then she prefers to run around :)) We playing with her, and she has toys and we have separate bedroom. She is very sweet.. but there is time when I cannot be bothered. I really need an advice!!! 🙂
Kittens are best in pairs! This is very typical behavior for a solitary kitten. Cats, especially while young, are extremely social, playful, and high-energy. It sounds like your kitten is craving companionship. I know it sounds like a huge ordeal (but it really isn’t–I promise), but the BEST thing you can do for your kitten is to adopt a kitten companion for her. Two cats are actually much easier to care for than one, since they have each other for companionship and are generally healthier, happier, and less destructive, ie: not bored and bothering you constantly!
Please consider it. If you can’t, that’s understandable. But rest assured that your high-energy kitten WILL mellow out over time–my first kitten settled down after about a year and a half. :]
Hey, thank you so much for this amazing article!
I’ve just adopted a 7 months old cat 3 days ago, and I was about to go crazy… he is soooo needy, is on me, with me, under me, is every place I want to sit, walk, go… Actually I stay at home all day these days because I have chronic illness, and I feel the little cutie is draining all my enrgies… I got a bit reassured reading your article, but I’ve had cats before and they were never so overwhelming! I sure hope eveything will calm down. 🐈🐾
You’re welcome!
3 days is not much time at all for a new cat to settle in to his new environment. Give it at least two months before expecting his behavior to “normalize.” Cats take EVERYTHING slowly and deliberately–getting to know a new home and new parent is absolutely no different! Steady, consistent, unwavering patience and reassurance is key during this phase. Good luck!
I have Jeeves, a little Tuxedo with a bit of clingy-ness to him. He mostly clings to the dog when he’s upset, the dog tolerates this growling under his breath with his eyes narrowed until he can’t stand it and just gets up and goes to the other room. Jeeves usually gets the hint and leaves at that point. If I’m ever in the bed, Jeeves has to cuddle under my chin and has always burrowed up under my arm since he was tiny. He’s about 6 or 7 months old now and still suckles on the blankets. I don’t know how to stop this behavior. I think he was only about 4 weeks old when I got him. He was found in a box on the side of the road with two litters inside. One litter had barely just opened their eyes. Jeeves is one of the older ones. I’ve broken him of getting in the way of me and whatever screen I’m looking at but he still wakes me up to let him outside in the morning as he refuses to use the litter box.
Hi Jeeve’s mom! Sorry to hear about your clingy cat. Kittens separated from their moms too early are definitey a handful. I would try easing him into using a litterbox by placing a large pan of litter (the larger the better) just outside the door where you normally let him out. Is there a way you can pen the area in with some chicken wire? That way, technically he’ll still be outside, but his only option for relieving himself will be the pan of litter. Gradually decrease the size of the pan until you’re using your indoor litterbox. Then, bring the box inside. This is roughly the same process used to transition cats to a new food, or even to train one to use the toilet: Incremental baby steps! You can make the process even more gradual (and effective) by filling the pan with his preferred outdoor “litter,” (like soil, sand, or whatever he typically relieves himself in), and gradually adding your own litter.
Also, remember to reward the behavior you want–don’t just discourage the behavior you don’t want. It will be doubly effective. Good luck.
sometimes they get a bit more clingy as they become seniors (13+). happened with mine. not too annoying; just a bit more “into me” than usual, lol
THANK YOU! You may have saved my newly adopted cat from being returned! I would have hated to do it, but he is just about the most obnoxious animal I’ve ever had! May this be a long and healthy friendship!
I’m glad! Yes, newly adopted cats (especially adults) need lots of time and patience to adjust to foreign surroundings.
He may have been abandoned several times throughout his life, so feelings of insecurity and erratic behaviors are more or less expected. The antidote to which is a calm, steadfast demeanor, consistent routine and a stimulating home environment. Calming pheromones (Feliway) may help too. Best of luck to you!
I have 5 cats but only two have these problems. One is a very needy and demanding; while the other is clingy and gentle. The needy one is always fighting with the clingy one if she tries to play with her. Could that be the reason my clingy cat is craving for my attention?
Sounds like your clingy cat feels insecure about her surroundings, so she looks to you for reassurance and comfort. Make sure your cats have enough vertical space, which will increase their confidence levels and decrease tension & squabbling. Also, it might be worth checking out my post, “How to help your cats get along.” Best of luck!
lol, Cleo is more the silent demanding cat. hates it when Im working, were I am she is just a few feet away, watching every move I make,lol not joking!as soon as I sit, she starts with rubbing up against me, if this doesn’t get me to make room on my lap, she will jump, climb her way up. not making a sound, just staring at me daring me to deny her.( have I mention she is an alha cat, also part bengal) when she gets there, if it was an easy way to get to my chest, she will curl up go asleep, if she had to work at, im still trying to read etc, she will try washing my upper body( the boys get a good grooming from her )till I pat her fav spot, than curl up and go alseep. If Im lucky it will only be 1/2 nap and she will move up behind me sleep on the chair back.
from there she will await her chance to jump the boys when they are not looking(hubby & son)lol
have learnt a quick hug will chase her off quickly , she likes it her way only !lol
she is a character, my poor Romaneo, had his freedom taken when she arrived, she decided when , what , he did, but always gave a a good wash.a little OCD on the grooming.
will have try your tips.
Ha! I love this! Sounds exactly like Sita, and your “quick hug” remedy is spot on! Sometimes when I’m not in the mood to patienty scoot her away, I’ll scoop her up and give her a big, smothering kiss. She stalks right off. You’re right–only wants affection on her terms!! 😀
I am the new owner of an extremely clingy & loud/demanding (depends on situation) former feral cat who was semi tamed by an unstable alcoholic woman before I got her (long story). I will try positive reinforcement with “Smoke”, and hope for the best. (It works with humans, I’ve found). thanks
Reinforcement is awesome, as long as it’s calm and consistent! Cats can detect the difference between an irritated/aggravated tone (and will usually mirror that back at you), and calm, collected energy. Even if you’re delivering negative reinforcement (like “No!”), your calm, even tone serves to correct and reassure them at the same time. Strange? Perhaps. But it works!
My male cat is a needy demanding cat. Because he does everything on both lists save for “might not eat when I’m not home”.
But I think he’s like this because he was separated from his mom. His mom’s owners “claimed” he was 9 weeks old, but I’ll bet money he was 4-6 weeks old max.
I wasn’t able to take him to the vet (I had lost my job shortly after adopting him & was unemployed for awhile) until about 2-3 months after I got him, so I have no way of knowing how old he was when I got him for sure.
He’s currently 18 months old, been neutered for one year, & his favorite place to be is within 3 feet of his mommy at all times.
Yet he hates being held. What?
Sounds like he was definitely separated from mom a bit too early. My cat Sita is similar–when she’s feeling insecure (like after a move), she’ll cling to me and follow me around the house yowling, but will shy away from being held.
It’s actually quite common for insecure cats to be comforted by your presence, but find being held too suffocating/unsettling an experience. Being picked up requires an enormous amount of trust and self-assuredness on the cat’s part. How many adult humans do you know would be comfortable getting randomly scooped up by a (benevolent, granted) giant? Not many (Probably. I’ve never asked). Different strokes for different kitties, as they say.
Keep doing what you’re doing, respect his boundaries, and speak to him in a soothing, calm, low, even voice. Works wonders, I promise! :]
I cried laughing at these articles! Came on here in a bad mood, as my cat is so clingy – I am typing this through fur and one-handed as my left arm has a cat on it! – but I now see she’s bored and a bit insecure (recently moved home). Hahaha, thank you for making me laugh so much! 😀
Hi Barbara, thanks so much for the note! I’m glad I could help – and I definitely know the feeling. My cat used to climb onto my chest uninvited and start howling with desperation inches away from my face. So you’re not alone!! :]
I have had cats in my life for 50+ years — currently owned by 12 — all adopted/rescued. Mine have all been on the relaxed/calm side — maybe because I don’t have a *stressed out* personality myself. We are usually *chillin’ like a villain*. Mine do follow me everywhere, and generally want to be where Mom is. In 50+ years, I have NEVER had any of them wake me to eat. They have always let Mom get her rest, and been patient waiting for me to wake to feed them. I’ve never had any climb curtains. Mine have been pretty well behaved over the years. I do have one polydactyl (Vegeta) who is a little ornery boy, and likes to knock things over — specifically cups! He likes to pull down the paper towels off the roll also. He has been my only truly ornery cat in all my years.But he is learning to chill out and be more calm as he gets older(he is 4). I love my *kids* and wouldn’t trade them for ANYTHING in the world. They are most definitely in their forever home with me. I am also (along with my son) a nerdy gamer, and would rather be at home with my cats when I am not at work, just relaxing, gaming, and loving my kitties. . . ♥♥♥
Vegeta sounds like both my cats. 😀
How I wish they were calmer! But yes, they’re both still quite young so they’ll probably mellow out with age…fingers crossed.
Video games with a cat in my lap (and maybe a glass of wine) is my absolute ideal night in as well. Except when my legs cramp up and I can’t move them so as not to disturb kitty. Good to know a fellow gamer/kitty fanatic. :]
I have a cat that insists I pet her before she lays down on her cushion in my bedroom. I have learned if I don’t pet her when she comes into my bedroom, she will dig her claws into my left arm which is closest to her and growl. She wants me to pet her 3/4 of the time before laying down and her petting time lasts from 5 – 10 minutes.
I wish mine were a little needy 🙂
Haha! :] It’s definitely nice to feel wanted. Non-needy cats are healthy/happy cats though!
You can take mine. Mine is so clingy it’s stressing me out and I can no longer accomplish a single task at home or get any sleep.
I may take mine back to the shelter is she doesn’t grow a little more independent in the next week or so.
Seriously, mine is glue to my feet. I can’t leave the room without her on my feet, I constantly have to make sure I don’t trip or step on her… If I do manage to leave a room without her, she will either cry and run and find me… She is constantly in my face, and if I still down she is either laying on my lap, or trying to touch her head to mine.
I live alone, and work a full time job. 5 days a week, from 7am-4pm. So it’s not helping the matter.
Hi Jose, I’m sorry to hear that. She definitely sounds like she’s going through a very insecure phase, and in need of tons of attention, reassurance and stability. Most cats who were recently adopted into a new home will exhibit some form of insecurity, whether extreme neediness or skittishness. If you have a fairly consistent daily routine, are giving her at least 30 minutes of undivided attention and playtime each day, and have provided her an enriching home environment, you should see her behavior improve slowly over time.
This doesn’t apply to every scenario, of course, but it’s my firm belief that two cats are better, and easier to care for, than one (sounds counter-intuitive, I know). Properly introduced, they can take a lot of the “burden” of companionship and attention off of you. Best of luck, I hope it works out!
They shouldn’t have gotten a cat in the first place. It’s totally unfair and obviously coming from a shelter wouldn’t have had the most secure start to life. Also, if you live alone and work all day, obviously the cat just wants interaction with SOMEONE after being alone all that time. As for being clingy, it’s again OBVIOUSLY because the cat knows it’s going to be alone all day again and when the owner finally comes in, they don’t want to play and interact with the poor cat. What’s the poor thing supposed to do? Just stay to itself and have no mental stimulation, play, bonding ect… Why get the poor cat in the first place? Breaks my heart when idiots get animals from shelters who have no idea how to bond, interact or care for the animal. The animal is blamed and dumped back in the shelter and it’s the IDIOT who wanted the cat that’s at fault
Excuse me Melissa, you have no right to judge. Most people work eight hour jobs and their cats are just fine. This is not normal cat behavior. I’m grateful that this person wanted to give a homeless cat a home. I suffer from the same situation with my cat AND my dog. Usually they’re both right next to me but it’s always either one or the other to the point it almost brings me to tears because I can’t have any time alone and I can’t get anything done around the house. Don’t judge situations that you don’t even begin to understand.
So if I completely ignore my demanding cat…are you sure he will still know that I love him?? Love these articles! Totally coming to you for cat advice haha!
Thanks!! And yes, don’t worry. Demanding cats have thick skin – they’ve just been (unintentionally) conditioned into manipulating you for attention. You’re just re-conditioning them to try a more appropriate tack.
Definitely still give Toulouse affection – but only when he’s being calm and quiet!
Thank you for writing this article. It has really opened my eyes more on how to get space from my cat.